Today I was dragging my ass. I think I took a catnap in front of my computer at work this morning. I almost called in. I’m glad I didn’t; 15 people came to my group today – the LARGEST turnout ever. Either people have nothing better to do as winter draws near, or people actually enjoy coming to group.
All I ate were carbs and it felt like it; my kingdom for a fucking salad or raw vegetable. Thanks to my severely low paycheck, grocery day is two weeks off. Looks like we’re sticking to carbs for now. Blech.
Awkward silence countdown: day 3 or something childish. I hope she’s not counting on me for an apology. I said what I meant; I always do. I love her, but I am burnt out. At work and at home there’s a constant push/pull; my candle is being burned at both ends. When I say no as a means of self-preservation, I get nothing but guilt and attitude. My priorities are not her priorities, which I’ve noticed she finds very inconvenient, frustrating, and plain wrong.
I’ve found the dishes can wait. I haven’t seen my husband all day.
The clothes can wait; I haven’t changed out of my work clothes into regular clothes yet.
Rearranging and cleaning the fridge can wait; I haven’t used the bathroom since 7:45 in the morning – it’s 6pm. (Not to mention that she’s retired and home all day… Sets my head spinning.)
I’m trying to set boundaries, but because of the enmeshment issues we had when I was younger, it seems more difficult. I find it easier to detach from her completely than to draw a line in the sand but I’m not sure how healthy that is. I preach to my patients about boundary setting on a daily basis, but the waters get muddy when applying some of the same ideas to my own life – this one in particular.