Coma black

I’ve been avoiding this page for months now. I think about posting daily, but I don’t. A lot has happened since my last visit here. I’ll try my best to play catch up, because I’m going to need some way to help manage my emotions as they seem to be spiraling out of control.  

First, I finally got a new job and I really like it. I’m an intake and discharge coordinator for a local hospital. The staff is welcoming, the pay is astronomically better than I used to make in community mental health, and when my shift is over, it’s done; I punch out and someone continues where I left off. No need to worry about building a deep, unshakable, everlasting bond – they will only be here for a few more hours.  

Get in, get out, have a good day. I like the fast paced life of crisis intervention; I’m addressing your “right now” problem; if you have a “sometimes this bugs me problem,” here’s some resources to help you with that. This sounds like a heartless thing to say, but I’ve burned out so quickly putting in the work for my patients in community mental health – making the calls, connecting them with resources, locating and arranging transportation… The list goes on. I put more energy into their recovery and treatment than they did. Is that true across the board? Of course not, but the people that had been involved in CMH longer had a higher level of learned helplessness and an external locus of control.  

If you yell the word “victim” loud enough and long enough, it will be the only word you hear. You’ll hear it, see it, taste it, and eventually, become it. Why be a victim of circumstance when you have the power the change your circumstance? And if you can’t change your circumstance, you can choose the way you view and respond to it.  

My counseling friends and I meet once every other month to let our hair down, drink, and be very, very merry. I was explaining the nuances of my new job to them and the looks of horror were written all over their faces. The idea that we should promote autonomy in those that we council seems to be a foreign and despicable concept. Personally, I think it’s insulting to assume that every patient I come across is unable to make a telephone call or make decisions about their treatment. The only person guaranteed to follow you from womb to tomb, birth to Earth is you. Asking for help is 100% acceptable; we are not a species that can exist in a vacuum. However, dependence, this learned helplessness, victimizing of self – isn’t where it’s at.  

I just read over everything I wrote and realized that one of my next updates is parallel.

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