That about sums it all up, really.
For once, I have little to say. I’ll put on my big girl pants when I can get the strength to lift my head off my pillow.
And that should be OK.
I got a quarter-sleeve tattoo today; it covers my scars from long ago. The design I had tatted means rebirth, a new beginning. I hope as I move forward I can look at this as a reminder of both where I’ve been and where I’m going.
If you get up super super close, you can still see the scars from my cuts under the tatt. Like life, you can’t erase the past – I had no intention to today. But like life, I wasn’t going to let those scars define me or allow others to define me and who I am today. I struggle everyday with this thing inside me; there is no escape, only (sometimes long bouts of) temporary relief. I’m OK with that, I’ve accepted that this is a lifelong struggle but if I have to live with it, I’m doing this on my terms.
My terms no longer require me to wear these scars as a symbol of pain, shame and struggle; I’ve turned them into a symbol of hope and rebirth from pain.
I will be better than “okay” one day. One day.